Yesterday was a super long busy day.

I went for 3 rounds of bowling at Riverside, Kuching. 

Then, go kai kai with my sister at Spring.

We watched Breaking Dawn till 7.30 p.m. The movie was horrible~!

It focused too much on the unnecessary scenes and skipped all the highlight of the movie. Waste of money and time.

I had a slight headache soon after I came out from the movie hall.

Perhaps it was due to all the thinking throughout the day. No, the week. No, the month? Oh, whatever it is.

I was feverish as I got home. So after taking my bath, I headed straight for the bed.

Suddenly something funny came into my mind. 

Amidst those dizziness and confusion, I thought of a person who I have been thinking about lately.

"Lately" here I myself dare not identify specifically when. 

I couldn't recall when exactly I started having these anxious feelings of wanting to hear from him, always.

Sometimes I get upset whenever he's not replying my messages. 

It's kinda weird, because we're only friends! 

I don't know what changed my feelings for him. I used to see him as the unfriendliest person alive in I know (not going to say "in the world" lol) 

But as I know him better, I discovered that he's a truly wonderful person to befriend with.

 I love that he can never get serious about ANYTHING. 

He cheers me up with his jovial, care-free and happy-go-lucky personality. But sometimes, he can be quite cold. It's like he has a split personality. 

I was all along afraid that I might annoy him.

I enjoy every moment spent with him. Deep inside, I hope he enjoys my company too.

I don't need him to like me. I just need him to not mind that I really care about him. 

I wish there's a way I could let him know that I want things to stay the same way.

I want him to feel comfortable around me, because I know sometimes I may act like a weido.I talk weirdly, behave weirdly. I even dress weirdly. 

Perhaps the only way I can express myself is through writing.(This is one of the reasons why I predicted I could never marry in the future! Haha~)

Gosh, I'm now crapping all these mooshy swooshy stuffs here. 

Anyway,

I could never guess what demon or supernatural force had driven me that night into doing something I thought I would never do- even if reincarnated. Almost impulsively, I confessed to that person that I like him. Mind you, I added there "a lot".

Not wanting to know what's the reply, my systems shuts down and there I was, drifting off to Slumberland....

This entry was about my sleep.

It was a nice 20 mins of sleep. Super refreshing. I felt as if those tiredness from insomnia and restless nights since arriving in Kuching...suddenly all gone!

                                     ...and it shook my fever off!     :3

When the heart seems to fail the mind.

Love hurts. Yes, it does. Sometimes it inflicts a pain so hurtful that you feel numb and cold inside. However, the moment your heart is broken, your mind opens to a completely new perspective on life. You learn to appreciate things more... little things in life that you've never realised before. 

Love is not blind. Who says so? I don't know if love is blind or sighted. Sure, it is blinding when it strikes you unexpectedly. 

I don't know how people can actually define love. Love isn't always wonderful. I see love as a challenge: whereby one has to be prepared to battle between rationality and beck-ism. (urban word. lol. ) 

Despite all the labour and sweat you had to put into it to make it work (and knowing that it could eventually come to an end at any moment), in the end it sure feels worth it. Nobody ever knows why. 

Perhaps, there's lies the magic of love. 

I thought I found love the last three years. He was my ex. I loved him for his sensitivity towards a girl's feelings, but that was before he broke my heart. I'm not going to blame him for what happened between us back then. Indeed, I found myself falling in and out of him, with each time, I see more flaws in his character, and I had never thought that I could actually forget my feelings for him now. 

(Mind, I haven't used the phrase "forget him" because I'm not a senile old woman...! How can I FORGET a person...?)

Well, I learnt the hard way that I have to move on, eventually. There's no use putting too high of hope into a relationship that I myself is quite uncertain with. 

A friend long neglected (his name's "rationality") once said, 

"If he honestly cared about you, one bit he wouldn’t have left. Not the first time, not the second time, not ever."

It struck me then. Suddenly, I felt those invisible ropes that once tied me to my feelings had broken. I knew then that I have to open my heart and mind if I want to be loved again.

This is quite true. I find myself in love again. 

And I learnt to not expect too much from what I dream for. 

I'm not sure if this is love, but I'm in love with this feeling;

feeling like a child again; jovial and carefree. 

Something I learnt as I know this guy. 

It's a weird kind of feeling. 

I'm not expecting to have any relationship with this person although my feelings for him has been growing until today. I find him so endearing and charming now. 

I used think that he's cold and unfriendly. I was wrong. He's all warm and kind.
I enjoy his company. :)

He gives me this warm and fuzzy feeling inside me... butterflies rocking out in my stomach...! :p

I want to stay like this forever. (seeing me crapping like this, wow. epic!)

Perhaps I made it too obvious that I adore him. Perhaps he knows it already.

Even if the feeling's not mutual. But who cares? 
Nevertheless, I hope that he won't try to distant himself from me after knowing how I really felt for him. It would really break my heart.
I'm really content at our friendship now. :))

He told me this, 

"We learn the mistake today, 

that's what we gain."

(Gosh, he sounds so handsome when he speaks this. lol xD)

Yes, I'm not afraid to fail now; I'm not afraid to take that fall for him.

Even if there's no future for us, (there's a big 'gate' between us! :p )

I'm glad I knew him! He changed my opinion about how love should be.

To love does not mean to have. 


For me, I still can't define love, but all I know is that

 it sure does exist in you...

when there's a desire to be close to the person you care 
about.
(Despite not knowing what the future may hold for the both of 
you- 
and even if you're unsure whether there is one.)


I know it exists when...


You'd do your very best to keep that person safe and happy 
even if they're not in your company, not within your reach.


You still don't know why those feelings exist at the first place.
In your heart, you're secretly wishing that they'd feel the 
same way for you,


yet foolishly forgiving if they fail to feel the same way.


That is LOVE for me...


How would YOU define love...? ;)